Black Holes

I think she discreetly called me irritating.

Wait, what?

How is that possible? After 2 years of trying to change myself?
After not trying to be the loser I once was?
Okay, one may think I'm quite troubled by this.

That's because I fucking AM.

I'll admit, I don't swear alot in my blog. But this just takes the cake.
I wasn't trash-talked. I wasn't dissed. I wasn't called names behind my back.
No, not like all those God-forsaken times before.
I was called irritating. Hmph, that brings back memories.

The last significant time someone called me that was my cousin,
when she sms-ed her friends and called me guo fun. That's Cantonese for "sickening", I think.

Y'know what? I don't give a goddamn bother anymore.
I had it until here with being kicked
and quietly insulted all my life. I'm sick of it all.

I am under enough stress today as it is already.
My house's Astro broke. I haven't studied for my driving test yet.
You calling me irritating isn't helping me one damn bit.

No, I'm not as bad as 2 others in my school that people just loathe and get sickened by.
No, I don't purposely cling onto others like a leech,
or annoy people with the constant nonsense that comes out of my mouth.
I am not as bad as them.
But it sure aint no fucking consolation to be thought of as 3rd place, now does it?!

How many times have I held myself back?
How many times have I tried not to start a uranium-tipped uproar,
when I am bloody famous for them?

You know what?
Forget it.
Say what you want.
Ignore the fact I still admire you even though I mean virtually nothing to you.
If that's how you feel, then I have nothing more to say or do about it.


It is your life after all. I have no say in it whatsoever, don't I?