Home

So again, there was a good surprise that came my way today.

Officially, Jing Ting is the 1st female friend to

actually pay a visit to my house,
believe it or not.

There she is with that fever patch on her head.
She was scared she got the fever bug or something,
Terry saying things like
"Ahh! H1N1!!"

Silly fella...
Fever isn't a symptom of H1N1.



...Is it?

Anyway, here's several pics she took of my house,
complimenting as to how neat it was.
Haha.

The living room

Yes, my living room's lighting rocks.
Come pay a visit someday.
Seriously.

My room.

I quote Jing's comment on it:
"His room! so many things but looks tidy><"

So yes, that's all for today, i guess.
Maybe I can finally get some good, well-deserved sleep tonight.

English for the Masses

So today was a rather pleasant surprise.

Here's some rather cheeky pics that Toh Seng forwarded to me.

Goodness, these are really good.

Learned anything from these few things, Jing?

=)

Moving Rubber

Yeah, I posed.

It's Jing's Finished Art project,
a box with Gatsby hair gel inside.


I'm supposed to be happy about this,
being able to act a lil' cool for about a fraction of a second,
but now I feel so hollow,
due to...other reasons.

Hmph.

Life sure has changed.

Grey Clouds

It happened again.

I dared to move forward,
and once again,
it blew up right in my face.

For all my life,
seriously,
all my life,
I've been on the losing end,
never even tasting the sweet rewards.

I first fell for a girl when I was 6,
in kindergarten of all things.
Guess how that turned out, huh?

For all this time,
I've been trying my best to move on,
to not actually fall for someone again like so many times before.



Why?

Why am I always plagued by unrequited love,
always having my heart broken in 2 unintentionally by them?
Is it fair to me?
Is it fair to me?

I have been acting like the ideal gentleman for my entire time in college,
respectively talking to girls and being courteous all this time,
but no, not because I want to kau lui or anything,
but because I feel obliged to,
because it's the right thing.

I did get compliments from that,
and it did boost my self-esteem,
but it's a painful reality.

Some assume that I have a way with girls as I always treat them nicely,
but in fact, I hardly mingled around with any in the past.
Yeah, 2007's Merdeka Dance was a big turning point for me.

But I'll always be one in the crowd,
not someone who actually stands out for once,
always pushed into the sidelines.

Am I noticed?
Has anyone ever said that they liked me?
Have I ever been looked at differently,
the same way I look at her?

I actually broke down and cried
out of a sudden after I showered,
as I had been holding back
the tears for awhile now.

No girl has ever shed a tear for me,
but I have cried rivers for them in the past,
unbeknown to them.
And it happened again.

Does anyone of you know how many times I've had my heart broken?
Really?

Hell, even I don't know.
It's been the umpteenth time it's happened,
and I still haven't got used to the pain it brings.

For those of you who don't know,
'umpteenth' is a way of saying
'too many times till there's no way of counting it'.

I know that now's not the right time to rush into a relationship,
as studies are important.
I keep telling myself that over and over again,
but it doesn't make things any easier.

But can I be so certain that this is love?
Can I be so certain that I cried over a girl that I just had feelings for,
instead of someone I've loved for like forever?


I may not be the only one who has suffered unrequited love before,
but I'm sure that I'm the only one among us
that's experienced several lifetimes' worth of heartbreaks.

I...just don't know.



I just hate myself for ever liking you.

Secrets

A gentle hand brushed the skin on her thigh,
sending shivers down her entire body as she bit her lips,
trying her best to not exclaim in surprise.

"Dear!" she whispered silently,
looking reproachfully at the boy next to her,
who only gave a smirk.

"Sorry darling. I couldn't wait much longer,"
he whispered in return,
looking like the little boy who had been caught red-handed
with his hands in the cookie jar.
And to be honest,
that's not far-off from what was going on now.

She was thankful that the others were oblivious
to what was going on,
or all hell would've broken loose.

"Well you'll have to wait longer than that," she growled,
but even that sounded like a kitten's mew to him.
He could never see her angry. Ever.

"Well then I'd have to settle for something less for now,"
he said, that cheeky smile curling its way up his lips,
before he grabbed the back of her head,
pulling her dangerously close to him,
before it happened.

She couldn't even shout.
No whimper came out.
No sound even escaped her lips
as it was firmly pressed against his own,
her eyes wide in utter surprise for that fraction of a second before
the rage began to boil in her.

Then he kissed her even deeper,
and all murderous thoughts about him vanished instantly.

She found herself answering his kiss earnestly
by wrapping her arms around him,
locking them both in a long, sweet embrace.

To hell with the others knowing what happened.
His lips were like morphine to her,
sweeping away any and all doubt or worries
that were in her head right then.

And that was all that mattered.
She couldn't care any less if their dirty little secret ever got revealed.


At least that way they wouldn't have to hide their relationship.





I thought it was about time I published something risque' in my blog.
=)

Finishing Touches

I'm seriosly tired-out,
and I wanna sleep.

But before I do, I want to post one final thing before I rest for today.


Me, wearing Terry's top-hat.
I don't know whether it suits me or not.
You be the judge.


Seriously.
Leave a comment about it.
I need to know.



And here's several pics of me and Jing Ting for today.

Both me & Terry dressed up in casual-formal
as some sorta theme,
so yeah, that's the reason I actually wore a shirt to college.



Seriously, almost everyone wanted to play with Terry's top-hat.
Even Jing wanted to do the M.J. thing by hiding her face.
I did something like that earlier too.




And I look kinda distasteful in those, don't I?
Low self-esteem issues here, remember?



And F.Y.I.,
she wanted to take some snapshots with me,
and not me insisting on it,
like some old acquaintances I know who would.


=)

Frozen Water

Wednesday was supposed to be my day-off.

Guess there's no rest for the wicked, then.

Went ice-skating today for the first time since I was
5 years old.

Weee~

It was something new, let me tell you that.

Those whom I know can skate always tell me one thing:
Falling is a necessity. It helps you to learn further.

I agree with it.
And that's why I don not feel embarrassed to say that
I fell about 5 times.

Seriously.

And I got blisters.
I'm talking about making my foot's skin peel off from skating,
and boy does it hurt...

Before you decide to skip the less acceptable parts,
met me make this clear.
My wound's a minor flesh wound.
No blood or bones or whatever gory nonsense that comes to mind.

So even as I sit here at 1.30 in the morning,
I can still feel the sore muscles aching against myself.

Why am I up so late?
I'm finishing up my CG (Computer Graphics)
work for Friday afternoon's class.

Here it is.



Basically all we need to do is trace an anime picture with the pen tool,
which can handle straight and curved lines if you know how to.

Sounds simple?

It isn't.

Let's just say it's a real taxing work, but nothing too hard that I can't handle.

But y'know what?

You think my art's good?

Wait till you see what some of my friends & fellow classmates can do.




This is Yi Pin's trace.
Yuna from Final Fantasy X-2.

Yes, he traced and colored this picture in.

With a mouse.

I took 4 layers in Adobe Illustrator to construct mine.
Know how many he took?

300+!!!

300-over LAYERS!!!

He told me that it took him several days,
amounting to over 24 hours in terms of time spent on this baby.

And to be honest?
She's beautiful.
Seriously!

He's simply a genius at this,
and honestly?

My self-esteem just took a nose-dive
that'll end up crashing into oblivion on
the cold, hard ground.

I suffer from low self-esteem issues often,
and this just amounted to a Hiroshima or a Nagasaki to it.

I don't know lah...

We're supposed to have a friendly competitive streak
with each other in class,
but the competition amongst some is just too great!


But I am truly thankful for one thing.
We're really like one family within CD0905-2.


What we lack as individuals,
we make up for it as a team.


Good job Yi Pin.
And to everyone else too.
I know you did your best.

1. The person who tagged you
Eric Leong

2. Your relationship with him/her is....
Childhood friend (primary school till now)

3. Your 5 impression of him/her is...
Bespectacled, just-right in terms of height, cheeky, college boy, ...and he's a boy

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you..
Hmm...not sure. No offense, Eric ^^

5. The most memorable thing he/she said to you..
Uhh...not sure about that either...

6. If he/she becomes your lover you will...
Okay~....I like him as a friend...and I'm straight...

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be..
"No comment..... " That was his comment on it too

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will....
I don't think that's possible. We knew each other too long for that to happen

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be...
-Please refer to question 8, thank you-

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now...
Err.....get him a tablet?

11. Your overall impression of him/her is..
A friend. A buddy.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
I don't know for sure. You tell me. No, seriously. Tell me.

13. The characters you love of yourself are...
My eyes? Everyone in class says that mine are just gorgeous, I guess...

14. On the contrary, the characters that you hate about yourself is..
My frail heart

15. The most ideal person you want to be is....
Someone that can be trusted, relied upon, and loved.

16. For people who care and love you, say something to them...
I love you all too =) Hope you're one of them ><=

17. Pass this test to 10 persons who you wished to know how they feel about you.

1. Jing Ting
2. Trisha
3. Dorcas
4. Johnson
5-9. Anyone with a blog
10. Her

18. Who is no.6?
Anyone, actually. A friend, most likely

19. Is no.9 a male or a female?
-Please refer to question 18-

20. If no.7 and no.10 are together, is that a good thing?
No. Not at all. Never. Not even over my dead body.
I'll come back to life just to stop that from ever happening.

21. What's no. 2 studying about?
Ngong-ngong-ing around. That's her term =="

22. When is the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
Today, 17th of June

23. What kind of music band does no.8 likes?
-Please refer to question 18-

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
Yes

25. Will you woo no.3?
Never. Terry would kill me ^^

26. How about no.7?
Uhh... -please refer to question 18, thank you-

27. Is no.4 single?
Yes. Not sure about the future, though...bless him...

28. What is the surname of no.5?
Question 18, please

29. What is the hobby of no. 10?
Not sure. Wish I knew more..but being a hardworking angel is considerable, right? ><

30. Does no. 5 and no.9 gets along well?
You tell me

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
The One Academy, baby!

32. Talk something casually about no.1.
She's beautiful. No doubt about that

33. Have you tried developing any feelings for no.6?
-Question 18, folks-

34. Where does no.9 live at?
Could be anywhere

35. What colour does no.4 like?
Uhh...rainbow!

36. Are no. 1 and no. 5 best friends?
Question 18, babe

37. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
How many times do I have to repeat myself... Q.18, boys and girls

38. What is no.6 doing now?
No clue

Pain

It is late in the night,
that I, as worn as one could be,
stand here to ponder on thine fortune and favor.

It is dreadful to the heart,
to remain silent and still as I am,
never able to voice out thy feelings,
thy thoughts, thy desires...

Why?

Why must I suffer such an ailment as this?

Is true love so challenging, so much of an obstacle,
that it, as gentle and caring as it is embodied,
can be cruel and merciless in its strife,
that I,
from an age of but a mere boy,
suffered it's backlash one too many times often,
even when I was but a lad of tender youth.

It is thou,
my Eden,
that I desire.

Turmoiled am I, to desire someone so distant,
yet so loving, and just.

My feeling for you aren't that of any other soul,
or any other man that seeks you out.

Is it,
or is it not love that I feel?

Too early,
gravely early it is to tell.

Many brazen,
brazen but foolish youths would claim this to be love,
to think themselves deserving in your eyes for their feelings are genuine...

But no, they are not.

Oh, such sweet torment is this,
to not hear your words,
but see them clearly in my eyes,
to be able to glance upon them over and over again
as word plays for word in any form I wish...

But it is my wish to listen to you,
to hear your voice,
as fleeting or quick-hearted as it is,
that even if it may last for that ever-pacing moment,
it is your voice,
even that of waterfalls gently cascading down,
or choirs singing,
that even all those things,
are nothing compared to your melodious voice.


I stand here in the night, watching the night sky veiled in a blanket of stars,
and ponder if it is me you will ever think about,
as painfully impossible as it seems.


My Eden.
I need you with me.

Tease

A little teaser for Chapter 14

^^

Infidelity

When you find someone that you love,
and that person loves you back...

please, I beg of you all...

Don't cheat.

Don't
ever
cheat.

Temptation will always be there,
and it will be weak,
or it will be strong.

But you have to fight it.
Don't let your stupid feelings of one-night stands
or the vile thrill you might think you get
by having an affair,
get in the way of the one true relationship you have.

It would never turn out well.
Never.

Do you know how many relationships are ruined by this?
Do you really know?

Sure, many of you will say
"Bah, I'll never cheat. No way."

It's good, y'know, if you really mean it and such.



I just hope you can live up to that.


30 seconds from now,
or 30 years down the road that's known as Life.

Just stick with one course.

Straight.

Eden

For many moons I have known you,
of whom thy radiance is unparalleled,
understanding, kind, and just.

Thy words mean more
than the blades of men,
whose cold steel is nothing
in comparison to your resolute.

You are a garden,
untouched and protected
from the filth that is a man's touch.

Your flowers, as beautiful as they are,
bear thorns to shield you from these wretched men.
I have but made my way through said thorns,
only to find myself standing yet on the edges of the garden,
denied further entry as of yet.

It is not my place to intrude,
and neither is it the right of others.

Oh yes,
there are many that seek you,
only to reap the fruits
but not to appreciate the beauty within.

These half-breeds,
so acceptable in appearance as it seems,
yet vile and disgusting inside
that I, as a male myself,
know of their inner side,
what lies beneath their veil.

Maybe you do to.
Of great wisdom and intelligence,
your mind is as beautiful as everything else that you are,
that you can see them for who they are,
that you can hold your ground and distance against them.

It is my wish to help.
Oh, if only I could shun them away from you myself,
to shield you from whatever malice they have,
or make them taste the unforgiving wrath of cold, hard steel
as I will strike them down.

I may seem selfish, judgmental, prejudiced,
but it is because it is my duty to protect you,
even if you can do it so well by yourself.

I feel obliged,
duty-called,
honor-bound.

I pray to Him that it is His will that we have met,
seemingly coincidental as it was,
as we are both children under Him.

How is it that I never recognized you when we were so much younger?
How is it that your beauty, elegance and wonder
never caught hold of me then?

It matters not now, I fathom.

You are my Eden.

What I have for you is not a fleeting fancy,
not puppy love,
but something deeper than that,
my fair maiden.

It is hard to explain,
difficult to describe,
but it is real.


It is just as real as you are.

Patience

Okay

For those of you who have waited too long for Chapter 13,
here it is.

I'm really sorry to all of you, yeah.

Hope I'll have more time to update with Chapter 14.

Cheers, y'all.

12am

It's currrently 12.16am on a Tuesday.

Nothing unusual for me to be up this late.

Except for one little teensy thing.

I'm having my dinner.

Right.
Now.

Oh, how so much has changed in a span of a few weeks...

People say there's always a silver lining to each bad event.

Well, there is one.

The only thing is, I don't stand to benefit from it.

FML.

I did it.

I messed up.

Again.


No one may be perfect,
but I am far from it as one could possibly be.

Fall

It happens to the worst of us.
It happens to the best of us.


I've know you since we were little.
I've known your brother since we were little too.

My mum knew your mum since they were both in primary school.

It was by His Grace that we all knew one another.

When we were young, all 3 of us used to be such good buddies,
along with the other 2.

Because all our mothers knew one another from primary and secondary school,
3 families were brought together,
2 sets of families with a brother and a sister each,
and me being the only child back then.

I used to love hanging around with you all,
then we grew distant.

We lost touch.
All of us.

Then we met again in church.

Old friendships rekindled.

Your brother grew so much.
He's my age, but he's bigger and taller than me!
We used to almost be the same height when we were younger,
him and I!

You grew up too.
Beautiful, at such a young age.
I grew more attracted to you as the times passed,
even as I rarely got to see you.

You lived your own life.
I lived my own.

I laughed several times when I figured that
what I felt for you was almost similar to that of the
Harry Potter fashion.

Why?

Because Harry fell in love with his best friend's sister.
And alot of people always say I look like good ol' Harry for some reason...
Well, technically he wasn't my best friend,
but you did look like Ginny Weasley.

Eventhough that feeling is gone now,
I still care for you.
You're like the little sister I never had.

And because of that,
it eats me up inside to hear what happened.

I know I have no right to get into your business,
but it worries me, nevertheless.

You always seemed the good girl.
You always seemed polite, respectful, kind.
Like her.

But I now understand that I never knew you well enough.
I'm not saying you're a bad girl or whatever.
I'm just stating that even the best of us fall.

I never liked drinking.
Neither should you.

What ever happened,
I hope you learned your lesson from it.

I know that you're a good girl inside.
I know that you may not be perfect.

Heck, no one is.

What we humans fail to realize time and time again
is the simple, painful, but sobering truth.

No one is perfect.
No one will ever be perfect.

It is that imperfection
that gives humanity its edge.

So don't strive to be perfect.
Don't try to do what others do.

Do your own thing.
Make your own style.
Don't fall into peer pressure.

Trust me, it doesn't do you any good.

Stay safe, sis.

I care for you still.

Sincerely yours,

Leon
-your distant, invisible brother, but a brother still-

Steel. Wood. Laquer.

Don't I just look good with a guitar?

Now admit it, love.

Life

I find it hard to update my blog every so often as I used to.

But it's what happened these past few days that spurred me to be more...
update-ish.

So today was considered quite eventful, if you asked me.

Our group went to Sunway Pyramid before classes started at 1pm,
so we had some time to spend on stuff.

We ended up going for bowling, of all things.



Trust me, Sunway's bowling alleys are larger than the ones in Times Square,
but not as well-established.

There's even this one irate old guy who looks like he manages the place.
Typical.

As for lunch, we headed to a Korean restaurant that Dorcas, Shaz and Terry went to before.

It was a large group of 9 of us.

Me, Terry, Dorcas, Shaz, Mei Kuan, Er Nee,
Albert, Sotong and Sim Yang.

If you're wondering why it's so blur,
this pic is actually taken from another pic
by the restaurant's young Korean owner.
He's such a nice guy.


Yes, he has his own Wall of Fame.
It's for advertising purposes, mostly,
but seeing the smiles on those
who've had their pics taken like this
has a nice feeling to it, actually.



It's quite affordable, I'd say, but still, it blew a big hole in my wallet....

I get quite alot per week in terms of allowance,
but minus the funds needed for toll and parking,
you'd be surprised with how much I'd have left.

Everything else was pretty much regular until we decided to go back.

Toh Seng decided to call Terry up and offered to treat him to dinner
in the pasar malam near Leisure Mall.

Jing Ting, who we practically carpool with everyday, said she's fine with it.
Naturally, so was I.

But seeing as we reached Toh Seng's house at about 5,
we had around an hour or 2 till the pasar started.

And we had to wait for KKLOO
(formerly known as Khai Keat. He's called that by everyone nowadays)

So we had loads of free time to play around
with the abundant amount of musical instruments in Toh Seng's house.

And play around we did.
But there was more than just playing, I'd gather.

Terry quipped us as being Secret: Part 2. (The Jay Chou movie)
I wouldn't be one to deny it, to be honest.

=)


I guess everything else was pretty much fine too after that.



And fine it was, indeed.

Promises

あなたはあなたが私にふさわしくないと言いました。

それは、本当に、皮肉です。

私は今私がさらにもっとあなたのことを気にかけることを知っています、
ローズ。

今あなたは私に世界全体を意味します。

承認されたように、我々は今のところ友人たちのままでいるでしょう。

けれども私は待つでしょう。

私は根気よく待つでしょう。

あなたのための私の感情はすべての疑いの影を薄くするでしょう。

あなたは私の最も素晴らしい冒険、ローズです。

あなたは私の唯一無二の正真正銘のプリンセスです。

私の１つの本当の将来の愛。

None

We hardly talk.

Hell, we hardly even say anything to each other.

All I hear is nothing.

I only see.
I see the words that you write.
And warm as they are, they're just words.

Cold, distant words.

Even if it is only words,
I might not mind that much.

At least I get to hear from you.

But even when it is just words,
I hear so little from you.

The distance between us grows so deep and far that I fear we will lose ourselves.
I don't want that to happen.

It's almost an entire year since I last saw you.

I'm so torn.

I feel for many.

But I long for you.

I long for your voice.
I long to see you face-to-face again.

Please, reach out to me,
the same way I''ve been reaching out to you for too long now.

Utter my name with that sweet, soft, angelic voice
that God graced you with.

Curse me for ever being so lovesick.

I hate myself for falling for so many.

My heart is weak, where my feelings are pure, yet indecisive.

I can't decide.

I can't pursue you, knowing that I don't even have the chance to
strike a decent conversation with you every now and then.

Some have told me to stay and wait for you.
Others have told me otherwise.

I can't decide.
I can't choose.

It's mostly because I don't have any options.

You're so far from me.

I can't reach to you, or know how you are.

Many are after you as well,
I know this.

And it breaks my heart to shards,
fearing that you shall be taken away from me.

I know you shall not give in to their cloaked calls,
but I fear that you would find someone,
someone that would catch your eyes,
oh, your soft, gentle dark eyes.

I fear that he would have you within his grasps,
and hold you within him like you would hold him.

And the cold, hard reality would hit me mercilessly,
like a hammer to glass,
shattering me, heart and soul,
into nothing but a million pieces.

I have loved,
and I have lost.

But I was never loved in return.

No.

What is it like to be loved?

Tell me.




私に話してください、ローズ。
ある日私があなたを愛する同じ方法で私にあなたが私を愛するであろうと言ってください。