If Even Heroes Bleed....

Am I not good enough?

An i not worthy of your notice?

Have I not bent myself to help you,
so much so to the brink of me being broken?

Have I not been through so much for you, only to accept your appreciation as a friend?

Have you not noticed the truth behind my kindness?

Do you not see that I would do anything for you, if you were to ask?

Do you not know that without you, I would not be able to see what is wrong with me?

Can you finally realize, that you are more important to me than you think,
and that I need you. More than what seems to be shown.

Illusions of The Heart and How They Hurt

Have you ever met a path that led you down different trails?

I have.

It sucks. It hurts. It agonizes.

Why?

Because I have feelings for 4 different girls.
All so different. All so desirable.

Call me a lovesick idiot. Go ahead.
I deserve it. I deserve it for dividing my heart for so many when I should be focusing on just 1.

Why do I divide my attention among the 4 of them?
Maybe...maybe it's because I keep thinking, not even one of them would ever fall for a guy like me.

Two of them already have boyfriends. And I feel so utterly selfish, and stupid, for wishing that they weren't couples in the first place. It wouldn't be fair, to take away the happiness of others for my own selfish reasons.

One of them is classy and moderately wild, someone I would have to sprint to catch up with. But for her, I would. But she already belongs to another. And I can only look away ruefully.

Another is a girl that is so unattainable, so high and mighty(in a good way), that I fade total comparison. I don't think I'm her type. I'm not good enough, I guess.

Another girl is one that I had feelings for the longest. She's comfortable around me, as I am comfortable with her. I knew her since I could even remember.
I bet you're thinking 'girl-next-door',right?
Wrong.
She's my cousin.
I know, I know. It's social taboo and all that crap.
But she is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful girls I have ever laid eyes on.
And she is extremely smart. Understanding. Kind.
But she too, has a boyfriend.
And when I first fell in love with her during my early teen years,
I made the bloody big mistake of being so obvious about my feelings for her.
And guess what? It was unrequited.
Does she know I still have feelings for her?
If she did, she'd never return it to me. Never.

Then there's the last girl, the last person I fell for recently. Well, if you can call sometime mid-last year recent.
She's kind, intelligent, sweet, gorgeous, an anime fan like myself and
possesses a beautiful air around her.
She's...perfect. But it always seems like she's always too busy for me.
No, I don't blame her. How could I?
What grounds do I possess to do such a thing?
I made the stupid mistake of confessing, only to be gently rejected by her, like so many other girls before.

Y'know, it hurts. It really hurts to know that I'm always never their type, no matter how hard I try to fit in, no matter how difficult it is to be have feelings for so many different girls.

I don't even know what to write anymore. I don't know how to voice out how I feel. I don't know what to do with myself, feeling so pathetic when I stop to think about how far I got myself into this mess.

I look out into the world and see so many happy people in relationships, or those who even qualify to potentially HAVE a relationship, and I ask myself.
"Why can't I be someone who deserves better?"

Surprised! Well, not really...

If you thought that the act of trying to ban Avril off our our stages last time was bad enough, today's newspaper must've sent your eyes rolling in annoyance.

That overzealous party that can't even win state election
without threatening to bore you to death
has proposed to ban our favorite Barbadian singer.

Guess who?






Yup, our beloved Rihanna.

Here's what the Star had to say about them. Mind, it's not even in the top 20 topic in Star Online. Hehe...

Its Federal Territory Youth chief Kamaruzaman Mohamad said inviting the Barbados-born singing sensation to Malaysia was “akin to insulting eastern culture, belittling local artistes, intentionally causing losses to the country’s economy and supporting Israel’s war policy, which is supported by America”. (Huh? So artistes are secret war-helpers now, eh? )

The *ahem!* Publically Astoundingly Stupid wing said it also found the Grammy award winner to be unsuitable because she often performed suggestively and wore skimpy, sexy outfits. (Who doesn't these days?)

Kamaruzaman said local concert sponsor Celcom should give priority to eastern cultures and local artistes. (Don't we also get a lot of that already? We want something different once in awhile....)

He said Rihanna’s appearance here would result in an outflow of local currency to the United States, and in turn, cause loss to the country and suffering to the Palestinians. (Double Huh?)

He reasoned that the United States supplies arms to its ally Israel from contributions and taxes collected from Americans. (Are you some James Bond in a sarong, buddy?)

“Whether Rihanna realises it or not, we know that the taxes she has paid also contributed to the war in Gaza,” Kamaruzaman said. (Sarong Stalker...)

Lemme know what you thing about it, ok guys?

Cheers.

The Cullens

The Cullens

For Trish, who just lurves the Twilight series.

By the way, I didn't make any of these. I'd be so cool if I did.

A laugh a day.....

LOL....

1. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?

Yes. I don't date smokers.

(Eventhough I've never dated before...)

2. How about drinking?

I hardly drink. But if she drinks, I'm cool with that,

so as long as she knows her limit.

3. Have you liked someone you can't have?

I still do.

4. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

Sure. But I'm hoping that 1 certain someone would.

5. What's your favourite sport?

Football.

Does PS3 count as a sport?

6. It's saturday night, you're home alone... what do you do?

Text my favourite girls,

write my novel,

play Metal Gear Online on my PS3

-I know I'm killing you with the PS3 posts, Jason =)-

7. Do you like roller coasters?

Its been YEARS since I last rode one.

8. When's the perfect time to have a bf/gf?

"When the right person comes along."

-a quote by Ling-

9. If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?

None. The girl I want is no celebrity, my heart being an exception....

Although Jonathan Lee would be shouting "Rihanna!!!"

10. What are you doing this weekend?

Its not the weekends yet, and I have no special plans. Ho-hum.

11. What is your favourite restaurant?

The Ship.

McD, anyone?

12. Have you ever hugged someone?

Yup

13. Ever kissed someone you weren't attracted to?

No. Never kissed before.

My lips are practically still a virgin.

lol....

14. Do you like anyone right now?

Unrequited love, more like.

(nothing new...)

15. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Single or available?

16. Which do you prefer, Beach or Mountains?

Both. Love the fresh air AND the sea breeze.

17. What kind of phone do you have?

Nokia 6300.

I'm not flashy like you, Ling ;)

18. Computer or Laptop?

Family Computer which I hardly get to use.

HP Pavillion.

19. Jeans or sweats?

Tough Jeans.

Mostly either my dad's or something my folks think looks nice on me

20. Which year(s) has/have been the best so far?

All of them have their ups and downs.

21. How old are you gonna be on your next birthday?

18.

Feels no different though....

22. What should you be doing right now?

Helping my Standard 4 brother with his maths homework?

Nah, he's fine. He's got a calculator beside him.

Cheater....

23. What is your favorite TV show?

Ben10,

Animes,

Heroes .

24. What's been your last purchase?

Fries and Coke in McD.

Very satisfying snack.

Love the free refills.

25. Are you attracted to girls/boys that smoke?

Total turn-off.

26. Have you ever fallen on your butt in front of a crowd of people?

When I was a young lad....

27. What do you do when you're at home?

PS3(duh...)

Writing my novel

Surfing the net with my PS3

Reading Twilight. Thought I'd give the series a shot.

28. What is your favourite subject?

Anything that doesn't bore me to a coma.

29. What's the best thing that happened on you?

-Meeting Ling and Trish in the Merdeka dance 2 years ago. They were so cute in those cheongsams.

-Meeting Rose during my cousin's birthday. She looked adorable in that beret.

Getting my PS3

Knowing that I'm appreciated by some. Just wish they would love me back.

30. 10 people I tag:

Everyone.

But knowing my friends, none of them will.

Lazy bums...

Lol.

Tagged by my Ballerina Princess (Ling)

Instructions:

#Remove one question from below and add in your own personal question.

#Make a total of 20 questions and tag 5 people.

# Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged.

#List them out at the end of the post.

1. Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture right now..

2. Don't change your clothes, just take a picture..

3. Post that picture with NO editing.

4. Post the picture with these instructions.

-Since I don't have a camera with me right now and there's no recent pic of me, I'll satisfy this section next time-

1.What’s your ambition?

- Celebrated Graphic Designer/Reknowned Manga Artist/Famous Author

2.What do u like the most about your siblings?

- The fact that he's not tall enough to put up a fight. And SO naive....

3.Are u looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend?

-YES!!!

4.Do you think you have enough confidence?

- In the most part...

5.How many babies you want?

- 2-4. Depends on my wife :)

6.What would you name your kids in the future?

- Benjamin/Benedict & Gwendolyn

(Ben&Gwen)

hehe.....

7.What is your goal for this year(2009)?

- To make my dreams a reality.

8. Do you think you're clever?

- Depends on what field.

Studies: so-so

Anime, games and other topics: Deffinately :)

9.What’s a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u?(list 10)

- Faithful

- Honest

- Spontaneous

- Romantic

- Adapts well

- Tolerates my blur-ness and occasional emo-ness

- Charming

- Understanding

- Fun

- Mature in thinking

- Knows how to handle a Playstation controller

10.Do u ever wonder where you would end up after you die?

- Yeah. Loads of times

11.What are your bad habits?

-Swearing

-Fall in love way too easily

-Emo too easily sometimes

12. Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself?

- Taller. 'nuff said.

13. State a random fact about yourself?

- I'm still a virgin. Go figure. Lol..I'll happily wait till marriage.

14.What does flying means to you?

- Does Iron Man ring a bell?

15. What do you crave for the most currently?

- To see her face once again....

16.Describe the person that tagged you in 7 words.

- Suet Ling. Beautiful. Caring. Understanding. Capable of kickin' ass.

17.What Have you not tried yet ?

- Cigarettes & Drugs(Never wanna).

- Drifting in a car

- Kissing

18.Who is in your mind now?

- You want a straight answer?

Rose. Ling. Trisha.

-please don't treat me wierdly later for this, girls...-

19. Do you believe in fate?

- And God? Yeah.

20.Who do you want to be 10 years later.

- The very person I always wanted to be with my the girl I wish would be my wife and my kids, Ben and Gwen.

The 5 people I tag:

-Trish

-Eric Leong

-Jsen Yap

-Jay Chua

-Jonathan Lee

For One Special Someone

Well, Ling asked me to show the latest pics of myself,
so here's one of me asleep.







Don't I look adorable? Miao~




LOL....okay, okay.....



Here's one from Christmas. It's the best one I have without looking totally un-handsome or charming. Honest.

Tada~

:)P

Made you laugh, eh?


I promise I'll camwhore the soonest I can, kay, Ling?
^_^

Wait...did I just say 'camwhore'?