Pondering

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the pain.

I've never had any form of reply,
no returns,
no mutual feelings.

I've always been neglected,
turned-down,
ignored,
brought down hard on my face.


It kinda tugs on the old heartstrings.

To see people happily holding hands,
acting all lovey-dovey,
even if they're just friends
in some cases.

Why?
Why me?

Just for once,
I wish that it wasn't just a one-sided thing....

I've never been loved by someone who was
not biologically-programmed to love me back before.

I've never felt what it was like to hold her in my arms,
whispering sweet nothings into her ear as I gently kiss her cheek.

She is a different case,
turning down any boy that comes along to her.

It's safe to say that she has personal reasons,
and I respect that.

I've been in the love business since I was 6.
12 years later, and where does it leave me?

Still heartbroken.
Still sitting in the cold corner,
licking my wounds as I stare at the blank white wall,
as pure or as clean as it is,
that wall is just a facade.

I just don't find it fair.
If this is His way,
if this is really His way,
please,
give me a sign.

Don't let me remain here,
high and dry,
the pain of the past and the present haunting me.



I don't know how
I'm supposed to feel anymore.


I'm quite indecisive about this.
I'm not emo about it,
yet I'm not fully happy.



I'm a mess.


Trish, help me.

=(